E3, Day 1, the kill me express.

E3 isn't a demonstration of unfinished games. It isn't a marketing hurricane for entertainment peripherals. It is a trip to the zoo, where you are the animal and there are no visitors and there are no walls. Every exhibit is open to wander in to, whether conscious of it or not, and every exhibitor is there to doll out cards, flash drives, and/or swine flu.

With that said, I somehow wandered in to the LA Convention center on this, the day of my daughter's wedding, to do what I do -- report on things and take pictures of things and also bump in to a few big people. No biggie (but they were).

First thing's first. Nintendo's press conference. Whoooa, I know what you're thinking -- "Chris, how the hell did you get in to the Nintendo press conference?!" The answer is I did not get in to the Nintendo press conference. I got in to the overflow theater down the street, which wasn't so bad except we all were made to feel like step children.

We were introduced to three things that actually made sense: Super Mario Galaxy 2 (Wii), Kingdom Hearts 368/2 (DS), a new Golden Sun (DS), and Metroid: Other M. These are three games that will be must-haves in the near future, 2010 being the latest to be released. It was a surprise to see that they've partnered with Team Ninja (Ninja Gaiden, Dead or Alive) to bring it out. Should be interesting...

But for F's sake, it's a video game system, not a life-saving medical device. Give me a break. This is the peripheral that will let you know when your heart stops working after playing Wii Resort for an hour and a half. Nintendo has fallen behind Sony and Microsoft in the gaming business, so now they are trying to appeal to an audience that wants nothing more than a personal trainer, or in this case (look at this freaking thing. Look at it and you tell me if you're going to put it on your finger) a personal physician to watch that murmor Uncle Floyd has been bitching about for a year. I get it, you're overweight.

After the snorefest that was Nintendo's overflow hour-that-took-three, I hopped on a party bus to the Sony press conference. This one wasn't so easy to get in to. There, I waited in a group of about five or six other souls like myself who hadn't RSVP'd for the conference to see if we'd be let in. About three minutes before it began, they opened the gates for everyone and we bum rushed nothing in particular.

Key moments of the Playstation conference: Uncharted 2 looks utterly amazing. Imagine Indiana Jones set in modern times, playable on the Playstation 3 (and doesn't suck). Also a few announcements that were made. Get this -- Final Fantasy IX. Not XIII, IX. Thirteen hasn't even come out yet and they showed a demo. Sure, it's going to be an online MMO, but it's a testament to the developers that they can come out with two franchise games back to back like this. Actually, we'll see if they hold up their end of the bargain. What bargain, I don't know. I never spoke with anyone regarding a bargain.

And not to mention their own version of immersive gameplay. This is the year of the "get your ass in to the game" accesories, what with Project Natal, Wii's 360 degree extension, and now the PS3 Wii-mote. Everyone's going to want a love-making simulator real soon.

After that it was off to the convention center. At around 1:30 I arrived with half an hour until my personal demonstration of the game 'Fairytale Fights' with Playlogic. Unfortunately, I can't speak about it until June 10th, so check back here then for that.

The rest of the day was spent gathering my bearings. I'm alone, lost in this wilderness of flashing lights and booth babes (as you can see to the left). The only thing for me to do was to introduce myself to as many people as possible, whether they were developers, marketing folks, or just regular old idiots like myself.

One of the most impressive games on display is Bayonetta, the action game from SEGA coming this year. Looks like a mash-up of Blood Rayne and sex. Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to be able to play this game what with cold water pouring down my back at all times.

Ahhh, wait a minute. I remember. God of War III. Looks like God of War II and God of War I. If you liked either, you'll like this. Graphics are amazing (they always are during demonstrations) and the mechanics don't seem too off. Extremely gorey. You knew that already.

The most impressive booth goes to the Batman: Arkham Asylum people at Warner Bros. Interactive. Talk about a dream come true... sort of. I don't know if I'd want to wake up in Arkham Asylum, so this will do. The game played amazingly well. I honestly thought that it was going to be another Batman & Robin for the Gamecube or Das Boot to my goonies. Batman games haven't been good, pretty much ever. This one is different. Imagine taking a fist to your best friend's face. That's how it felt to play Arkham Asylum.

Not only was it a very well done booth, they actually let me speak with a developer. Correction: two developers! Lowly ol' me. Maybe they thougth I was someone important!

I spoke with the Director of the game, Sefton Hill, and Paul Crocker, the lead narrative designer, who told me some pretty exciting things about developing the game, working with Mark Hamill and the original cast of Batman: The Animated Series, and being fans of Batman in general.

"The best thing about Batman is that he's for everyone. Batman Brave and the Bold, Lego Batman, [Batman: Arkham Asylum], and the Dark Knight!" -- Paul Crocker.

He assured me that there wouldn't be any violent stabbing or bleeding (and there really shouldn't be in a Batman game. Come on!), but this one isn't necessarily for the kiddies. The game's story had several additions made to it due to Mark Hammel's performance. "[Mark Hamill] just had so much energy. He really wowed everyone." I asked Sefton Hill if it was his performance that brought them to create the PS3 exclusive Joker missions, to which he replied that it had a lot to do with it.

Expect additional content for the game based on the hype alone, hopefully soon after release. Arkham Asylum is released on August 25th.

I'm currently in the process of uploading quite a few pictures to photobucket or whatever the hell it's called, so when I get 'em up I'll post the link here.

I'll be at the show tomorrow. My schedule thus far:

Aliens vs. Predator: 10:30 AM
Ninja Gaiden: 2:30 PM

If you have any questions or comments, or want me to do something specific for you, let me know and I'll do my best. I am at your disposal at E3, use me!

Pictures I took can be found here (not all of them, I got tired of waiting for the upload.)